


Do no love me, though

by gustin_puckerman



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Jake is a better character than in the books or movie, and he never forces it upon her, in which Isabella was /actually/ Jake's imprint, like a psycho .......
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8528404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gustin_puckerman/pseuds/gustin_puckerman
Summary: The first time he knew she’s his imprint, he flips the fuck out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written in my roleplaying blog to a dear friend of mine, Mandy. She doesn't necessarily shipped Jacob/Bella, but she entertained me regardless. Thus, this one-shot was born. Now, before we proceed, _yes_ I completely disregard Jake's character development after New Moon. Sue me.

 

 

the first time he knew she’s his imprint, he flips the _fuck_ out. of course, during that time, he wasn’t really paying attention because there’s a fucking bloodsucker who almost tore _his best friend to pieces_ and he needs to put that son of a bitch down. it feels kind of nice — not the killing, and not the rush of being something he clearly doesn’t wanna be — but the distraction is at least, not dreadful.

he shakes, though, afterwards; _out of fear_. 

he’s known he has liked bella, maybe from the first time he met her when they were little before they’re slouched with their ankles deep in mud, but — but he knows that she’s... she’s not completely _there_. and she’s — she’s in love with someone else.

he gets it. it’s not — he has never expected more. having her around is already ... it makes him feel great. makes every day waking up even more... _eventful_. like the days she wasn’t there was okay, but now she’s here ... it’s like, it’s even _better_ , you know? sure, there were hope that it could’ve been — like, maybe she could’ve liked him _back_ , but...

jake has decided that it’s okay if she doesn’t. what’s more important is that she’s — she’s not alone, that she’s fine. and that he’s there to see her during those great times. he doesn’t mind that. and then. then, the stupid fucking _phasing_ happened and he’d been so mad, he’d been so enraged, he almost tore the kitchen in two. 

he still remembered the way sam slammed him against the ground, yelled at him to keep it the _fuck_ together. but that new anger was nothing for the feeling of dreadfulness when he realised he’s imprinted _on the one person_ whom he knew were never going to love him. or, if she did — it might’ve not be to her own will. it might’ve not been because _she just genuinely liked him back_.

he hates this magic factor, he hates that he’s become like this.

so he kept his distance. mostly, because he didn’t want her involved in everything — even though she already sort of was, with the whole cullen thing. partially? because maybe it’ll go away — this fucking _imprint_  — it’ll go away and jacob would find a loophole somehow to spend time with her again and it’ll go back to normal. they can be like before. he can spend time with her as friends and she can spend time with him as friends and everything will be cool, everything will be fine, and if so happens she’s gonna fall for him — there’ll be no magic influences, no soulmates marks forcing her to do so — and he’ll be satisfied.

so yeah, he doesn’t see her. it’s okay.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

keeping distances from her proved to be  _so hard_. she’s resilient with her phone calls, she’s almost as stubborn as he is when she’ll get charlie and his dad involves. jacob is awkward, young; his naivety bleeds from his face as he stands there when pa was talking to the swans to explain how he’s gotten sick from mono. he knows it’s stupid, and he knows bella won’t be fooled forever. but pa said it was for the best, so he went along with it.

he told embry about the imprint, which was probably a bad idea, and that fucker howled to the rest of the pack. paul said, “so what you gonna do ‘bout it? you’re gonna get it _on_ with the vampire girl?” and snickers hard, which leaves jake to growl harshly at the guy. 

sometimes, he really fucking hates his luck.

sam calms his anger down with a look, asks him what is he _really_ planning to do. he rolls his shoulders and shrug, “nothing” and explains how he’s gonna fight it off. that the imprint is _wrong_ , and he’ll work on how to have it fade away soon. sam snorts and rolls his eyes and holler how that’s impossible, that he’s wasting his breath, and — whatever he’s planning to do? better not mess with the rest of the pack while they’re patrolling — jake is flabbergasted to learn that, oh yeah, _we all can read each other’s minds_. how super freakin’ _awesome_.

she came to him in the rain, and he’s almost done.

he almost caves in, almost wants to reach out and gave in to this deep aching in his chest that he’s built to grow ever since he’s avoided her. she comes close, and he nearly goes insane. but then he’s reminded that he’s — he’s not _him_ , anymore and he’s stuck here now, he’s stuck with his pack, he’s stuck at age of sixteen being something he doesn’t ever wish to be, because of _her_ boyfriend. he tells himself he’s not mad at her, because how could he, but — he’s a little pissed, he is. and then: it’s not her fault. the cullens are never her fault. nothing is ever her fault. she is his world. she is his everything now.

and then she’s begging, she’s pleading, and oh, oh fuck, _oh bella_ , why is she saying things like that? _try_? what does she mean by that? is she going to force herself to like him just so, what? just so he wouldn’t leave?

that’s so cruel. why is she so cruel to herself?

“stay away from me,” he utters, takes her scent in for the last time and braves himself to turn when sam calls. he will never ask for her love if that’s not what she’ll give, he _swears_. guess he’s gonna have to fight the imprint even harder.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

that night when he came to her bedroom, when she’d asked him that they could run away, it breaks his heart in two. he decides then, that he’s done fighting. he’s done keeping his distance. so he hugs her, the slant of his overgrown body aligning against her perfectly as they embrace, and he takes her in. _he takes everything in_.

she’s so safe in his arms, so warm — even if she’s actually cold. he wishes he could touch her — her face, her cheeks, her lips, her arms, her stomach — just transfer some of his heat to keep her warmer. she deserves _so much_ , and more. and he wants to give it to her. everything she wants, everything she desires.

he bites his cheek from telling her that “bella. you’re my imprint.” because even though he’s done fighting avoidance, he still think he shouldn’t be forcing it on her. and he won’t. _he really wouldn’t_. an imprint, after all, doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a lover.

 _my soulmate is my best friend_ , and that thought alone makes him lighter.

jake decides that he accepts it.

.

 

 

 

 

 

he almost _fucking tore paul in two_ when he damn near attacks bella.

he’ll die for his pack no doubt, but there’s certainly a line. and that line’s crossed when he sees paul being erratic as fuck at his goddamn soulmate. so after sam broke them off, and paul’s laughing into the air from the adrenaline, he doesn’t hesitate from pulling the bitch close and growl about how “if you as much _touch_ her, i’ll eat your guts out.”

paul calls him a bloodsucker, which is gross, but he nods. says, he won’t. adds, “don’t worry, i’ll apologise.”

“good.”

paul laughs some more, howls “dude, you’re _whipped_.” while sam kick them both to pick up their clothes and pants and says how nobody likes seeing their shrinking dicks under the sun.

jacob has to laugh at that before kicking sam in the shin and proceeds by tackling paul playfully back onto the ground. before he returns, sam gives him a wiry smiles, then proudly exclaims, “it’s okay if you’re whipped. it happens — you know — with imprints.”

jake wants to correct him — uh, _no_ , that’s because bella’s his best friend and that’s why he’s angry and protective — but he decides otherwise, hiding the way his hands tremble at the memory that bella could’ve gotten hurt. his bella. at his land. hurt. wounded. all because of his stupidity that reels her in. that provokes her to come and slap paul.

he wants to laugh at the hollow-like feeling in his stomach, and swiftly wipes a tear now trickling past his eyelashes.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

they grow older in time. she stays a year in forks when one by one of her high school friends go to college. jacob enrolled back in school once the thing with victoria’s done and over with. since the threat of a vampire lessens, there hadn’t been that much need for the pack to be so active, although they did their duties nearly everyday.

bella still doesn’t know about the imprint, but — otherwise, she’s better. he thinks. or, he likes to _think_ she is.

she drinks a little, when she comes over, her eyes distancing to a memory he can’t reach (and doesn’t bother to) before she reels in and focuses back on the automobiles and scraps she’ll bring from some junkyards he never cares to ask her about. she hung out with emily a lot too, and apart of jake is glad. emily’s lonely, he knows, and he can tell sam is appreciative of it.

jake doesn’t really know what _happened_ — one minute he’s a high school kid by day, werewolf by night, and the next he’s propped up in a local library and, actually, considering schools. like, _colleges_ and stuff.

he knows there’s no way in hell the pack would’ve agreed — especially now since sam’s been hissing about him “taking it seriously” as he shoves the Black family tree history down his throat and the title “alpha” is dangled inches from his face — but... but he’s _excited_. he thinks, if his sisters could escape this damned town, then why couldn’t he do it for a few years?

besides, there’s no rules saying that being a werewolf doesn’t mean you can’t like, get a _degree_.

when he tells bella this, he’s a little ashamed. maybe because he thinks he sounds stupid even though he knows he isn’t, _he doesn’t know_. but he tells her anyway. he’s suddenly so very happy that she knows this little secret about him, about the pack, because it’s so easy to discuss these sort of stuff with someone who won’t outrightly shuts down his idea.

in fact, as he tells her, her eyes light up a little. and she looks sober. the rare few times she would when it’s dark out. she exclaims, “oh my god jake. yes. _yes_.” like the news is so exciting and he can’t help himself from grinning. she grins too. they ended up spending the night away drowned with papers about colleges and applications and courses.

she looks so fucking pretty when she’s splayed on his bed with the computer screen brightening up her pale features. jacob almost wishes he could join her in the small compartment, pushes their bodies together and feel the heat of her. but they rarely touch these few months despite her knowing about the whole _phasing_ thing, but — it’s okay. this way, he can control himself. this way, he won’t long for her as much, like sam would whenever he’s parted with emily even if it’s been hours. (not that he’s not already feeling that way.)

but — maybe, he reasons, just _maybe_ — it’ll hurt less this way.

he’s such a fucking good liar to himself.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

she asks one night, “jake? stay?” in that small voice, her eyes pleading.

they’re in a dorm where he’s just carried her to after he’s gotten that weekly phone call from her. they’re in university now, have been for a few months, and it’s — it’s both good and bad. it’s good because he feels _so brand new_. it’s been so hard getting the approval from the pack, but he swore to sam that if they gave him this, gave him this time to get out of there, even for a few years, then he’d return and become the alpha they all wanted him to be.

he doesn’t tell bella this, _couldn’t_ ; not when she’s already half-gushing to him about how maybe they could travel elsewhere afterwards, _leave everything behind_. it reminds him of the night when she said that she could take him away, that they could leave, they could start anew.

she’s so good to him, he thinks. so good.

but — bad. she’s — she’s getting a little — she’s become _unhealthy_. jake doesn’t know why. she told him years ago that she’s not like a car, he can’t just fix her. he doesn’t want to. he just — he wants to hold her, her hand or something, as she fixes herself. maybe not fully, but — as best as she can. fix what the bloodsucker cullen have clearly torn apart of her. she can do it. he believes in her.

she drinks a lot, and becomes — _quiet_. sometimes. not all the times, but he notices. it hurts him like this, to see her this way. it hurts him that she’s hurting. and he’s trying to patch up the pain, but he doesn’t know how. doesn’t even know where to start.

“bella, i can’t—”

“why not?”

“i—” and then he looks at their hands: remembers how she pulled away the first time he tried treading them together, how he knows she can’t love him like that. he understands. he doesn’t mind, he tells himself. he can love her like this, he’s strong enough to endure this kind of pain. as long as she’s — as long as she’s fine. “you’re not thinking straight. you don’t want me—” and he chokes, because it’s painful to say it aloud. he doesn’t look at her, but he smiles, a little. broken. “go to sleep, bella.”

“hold me, jacob. _hold me_.” she sounds so sure, she sounds so desperate. he wishes so badly he could reach out, whispers that she’s fine. she’s okay. please go to sleep, my heart. my love.

“go to sleep, bella.” he repeats, stands, and walks out.

he pretends he doesn’t hear her whimpering, crying.

worst of all? jacob doesn’t know _why_.


End file.
